They Can Do More

I’ve seen countless comments on YouTube and other platforms criticizing parents for enrolling their children in ABA therapy. People say things like, “Why does he need to learn that?” or “Why are you making her help with chores?” Some even go as far as calling it abuse or saying, “Just leave them alone.”

But what does “leave them alone” really mean? It often seems to mean: if a child gets upset about leaving the house, let them stay home all the time. If brushing their teeth is distressing, just skip it. If they only want to eat Goldfish and sugary snacks, let them. In other words, don’t challenge them. Don’t teach them. Don’t help them learn to handle the hard things in life.

I truly believe that most people who make these comments mean well—or at least, I hope they do. But my question to them is this: What happens long-term? What happens in ten, twenty years if we never teach them?

If we avoid teaching a child to brush their teeth because they cry or scream, what happens when, years later, they’re crying in pain from severe tooth decay? If we never teach them to take medicine because they refuse it, what happens when they get sick and can’t or won’t take what they need to recover? If we never help them communicate their wants and needs, how do they express their pain, their frustration, their joy? How do they advocate for themselves as adults? What if self-harm becomes their only outlet—then what?

Now, I know not everyone on the autism spectrum faces these particular challenges—and that’s absolutely true. Autism exists on a broad spectrum, and some individuals don’t need this level of support. That’s wonderful. But we shouldn’t ignore or dismiss those who do need it. Pretending that the majority of the autism community doesn’t exist doesn’t make their struggles go away. These individuals are capable of extraordinary things—I’ve seen it firsthand.

The mindset that children with autism should be “left alone” is, to me, no different from a doctor telling a parent, “Your child will never be able to do that.” It’s giving up before even giving them a chance. And that’s not fair. These kids can do more than people give them credit for. Is it hard for them sometimes? Absolutely. But that’s life—we all face hard things that make us stronger.

And let’s be honest—adults struggle with hard things too. We cry, we complain, we get frustrated. But no one tells us to just give up or to be “left alone.” Instead, people encourage us, cheer us on, and support us until we succeed. Why should it be any different for these kids?

Autism isn’t a weakness—it’s a different kind of strength. It takes courage, determination, and a strong support system to navigate the challenges that come with it. These kids deserve that support.

So, stop limiting them. Don’t “leave them alone”—walk beside them. Learn with them. Engage with the world they live in. Find professionals who see their potential and use ABA with compassion, patience, and gentleness.

And to the parents who have chosen ABA therapy and have been made to feel like terrible parents—please hear this: you are not alone. You are not a bad parent. The parents I work with are some of the most loving, devoted, and selfless people I’ve ever met. They fight fiercely for their children because they want them to thrive. That’s not abuse—that’s love.

You know your child best. Trust your heart, make the choices that feel right for your family, and tune out the noise. There are good people in the field of ABA who genuinely care and want to help your child grow into their fullest potential.

Final thought:
We do nothing for children by “leaving them alone.” Growth doesn’t come from avoidance—it comes from gentle guidance, love, and belief in their potential. Let’s choose to stand with them, not step back from them.